i just want to run away.
god i WISH she could steal you away.
i wish you would let her.
because i cant be with you… i cant.
you are impossible to be around.
I’m literally killing myself by just staying…
and every time i try to leave, you suck me back into the same hell somehow.
with perfect words, and i perfect kiss.
its not fair, and i FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO ESCAPE YOU!!!
leave me alone.,
i don’t want to get married.
i don’t want kids… at all
i don’t want to live here forever.
i don’t want to have tunnel vision and stick to your morals
i want to have a drink with my family for celebration.
i want to be around those who do wrong, not because they do wrong, but because i love them, and they have been there longer than you have.
i want to lay down at night and not hate myself.
am i happy?
i couldn’t possibly more unhappy…
i fucking hate you!
and you have made me hate myself!!
i finally found a way out of my hole, and right as i stuck my hand around the edge, you closed it back off with a lid of steel.
i just want to disappear.
i cant wait tip JANUARY 10th.
when i can go and prove you wrong.
when i can show you that you aren’t the only one that can do these things…
but then when i come back i will do what you never did.
i will continue my education.
i will make someone happy.
and i will move out of this hell hole, and stop dragging the people i love behind me.
stop hurting those who just don’t want you to be hurt
those who follow much less out of respect, as opposed to the pure desire of just seeing you happy.
i will never depend on anyone anymore… they don’t deserve to bare such weight…
unlike you, i will be progressive…
and hopefully by then i will havce so little of a heart left for you, that i can just burry you with the rest of the people that i have officially erased.
god damn it!
i wish we could be friends, but even that won’t happen.
you are too inground.
you need to go…
…before i do.