I heard you’re not doing well these days, it’s a shame that I’m so happy to see you suffer. What a beautiful friendship we have, huh? Two people who appear to care so deeply but in all reality we’re both well aware that we arent friends at all. I know your secrets and you know mine, but it’s a…
… I couldn’t imagine who this is about… :|
I was hoping to talk to you about it all since you deserve to know, and I’m tired of lying to you.
Or perhaps we can just keep pretending?
This Friday at the Homecoming game would be nice, if that’s OK with you?
This is about someone else, I stopped wanting to know about you and him. The thing is, I really did care about you and I really did want to be your friend, but even after I stopped wanting to know what was going on with him, it still put a knife in my heart every time you lied about it, even though I knew the truth. You lied to me for months for no good reason, and made it obvious that you were lying and I never really knew if it was because you’re cruel or you’re just really bad at keeping your own secrets. Anyways, I don’t want to hear about you and him, I’ve already heard it from him, and I’m not going.to the game Friday.
sam, never have i had intentions of hurting you and i think my greatest fear, especially in your care was ever telling you it was true. i didn’t want you to hate me, and especially not over someone so irrelevant, but i always felt like if i could lie my way around i would never have to face you.
more than ever do i admit i am wrong, and i swear to god if i could take back all the bullshit and nonsense i have put you through i would.
same goes to Saied and Danielle. i have come into the habit of neglecting those who sit through my dramas and never stop me and just say shut up. you have been there, and so have they and it isn’t fair of me to act so childish.
sam. I’m crying. I’ve never felt so bad about something before, and I’m sure you don’t believe me bum i going to say it anyways…
I’m sorry for lying and hiding it from you. yes, for months.
I’m sorry for meddling in what wasn’t my place to meddle.
I’m sorry for all the crap thats flown between us…
im borderline begging…
please allow me to redeem myself.
you won’t believe me. i know you won’t.
:’( … but he hates my guts. He hasn’t talked to me for days and i am sure I’ve finally drove him off the way i did Omar. i am no good at relationships, and honestly i didn’t expect anything too extensive anyways… but such an irrelevant and ignorant person is not worth loosing the people that i love.
i DONT know how to prove it to you.
thats why i ask to talk to you.
no. definably not about him, but in general.
i want to rebuild the weird relationship we used to have.
it was something that always made me feel cool, and different.
i honestly loved, and still do wish i could hang out with you and the other two so much more…
but I’ve been such a self centered Bitch, and only thought about myself…
and I’m convinced that Danielle thinks i hate her… i don’t. she is the most amazing person in the world, and to this day, even without seeing her too often, if anyone asked who my “best friend” was… i would with out hesitation say her.
but this veers off subject…
i never meant to hurt you sam„ and i really do want to make it up to you. please. in any way possible.
im not asking today, tomorrow, or even on friday. I’m asking in general. Could i please be given the grace to re-work my mistakes? could i be given the grace to make up all the shit i put any of you through?
I’m beyond sure that you think this is bullshit, but i have no reason to talk to anyone i would hate, or whatever it might be… and truly. i don’t hate you. i never have. you are, in so many ways and interesting and intelligent person, let alone someone who is selfless in so many ways… how could i make the mistake of gaining such a person and then throwing them out.
i fucked up.
i don’t know what else to say. :(
anyways… i just wanted to add this little bit in because it has been on my mind for a few days…
i taked to Micheal the other day. We started out talking about some Nikii Manaj thing, but then the conversation jumped over to you. I asked how you and your “friend” were, and he said “friend?”. i gestured at the fact that you two area in a relationship and he told me flat out that you were in love.
i wish you could see it. A smile broke out from ear to ear when i heard that. wow. i never thought that you would be… and please take this in the best way possible.. i mean no disrespect… but wow
she is in love? i thought to myself. how can that be? who is this magical person?
i can not tell you how proud and happy i am.
proud of the fact that someone found their way into your life in the most simple and peaceful way possible.
proud that they made you happy out of pure company, no string attached.
proud that they could not only hold themselves in front of you, and I’m sure your fellow friends, but in front of your mom… your family.
someone that could make both you and them happy, and equally set all minds at ease.
have everyone know that you are in safe arms wherever you may be.
i would give my life to have something like that…
but being who i am… i lost it.
i gave it all up for the stupidest reasons, and you know what… my life IS up in smoke.
i miss Omar with every passing moment, and i only hate myself more as this little day counter or whatever tallies another day of separation…
and you know what.. I’ve even tried to pull it all back together… but he has someone else now, and god help me if i ruin that then i shouldn’t even have place to breath. i refuse to hurt anyone any further…
but anyways… i was so happy to hear it. i am sure Michael didn’t notice, but it hit home for me… and sam, i really do want to be a part of your life. i want to be there when you call a bunch of friends over and talk about your funny experiences. i want to be part of the laughs and the fun that i have oh-so deviously cut myself out of.
i dont deserve it.
not at all…
and i don’t blame you, and promise to never speak to you again if you ask me to… but if I’m given the chance to redeem myself… i promise to do my best, only in hopes of it being good enough for you to trust me again one day…
now ill shut up because i am one of those who can write and talk endlessly…
have a safe and wonderful night, and i would really appreciate it if you could give it some thought.
anyways, goodnight. :|